That 4th of July at Pirate's Cove in the 80s

So there was this time one summer 25 or 30 years ago when it seemed like the whole state was on fire.  Big plume of smoke in the western sky that you could see from Taft to Gilroy.  This makes me feel old; the official state page about big fires only goes back to 1999.  I think it was the 4th of July of one of those years.  1987-92.

We were young, fire and smoke was just one point of interest in our day on the road.  Michelle was younger than me 23-24 and had one of those egg shaped Honda cars that got 30 mpg or better.  She was more game for adventure than her twin sister Kimberly who I also had some interesting times with.  The whole family were characters.  Miss them.  Out past Blackwell's Corner and Cholame and on to 101.  Paso then back down to SLO with the smoke cloud in sight the whole time.  There it was; Pirate's Cove the nude beach just down the road from Aviva.

More pictures of Pirate's Cove here

I was/am a hippy. We got naked a lot in the 70s. Delonegha Hot Springs in the canyon was a favorite place to shinny dip.  Before the Sheriff blew them up.

Once we got to Pirate's Cove I tried to repress my anticipation. If you know what I mean. Uninteresting tidbit about me: I am the worst at seducing women, always have been. Lots of reasons we don't need to go into here.  To say that Michelle and Kimberly were hot; curly dark hair and eyes, would be an understatement.  I still can't say which was sexier to be with, personality wise.  "Make a good dog break his chain" is a saying that comes to mind.  A shared adventure with naked time, things should become things was my plan.

Steep climb down a cliff face to reach the beach. Stories I've heard about Michelle after that time are legend. At that time however, she was a modest young woman.  Just removed her top. I, of course, went full monty.  I was 30ish at the time and seemed to be the youngest person there except for Michelle.  This was a few years into being massage therapist. I had seen hundreds of naked people. A prude about my client's modesty I had only seen one foot, back or body part at a time though.  This was full on naked middle aged and older people frolicking in the waves.

Even though she was not used to being topless around strangers Michelle proceed to meet and interview the people around us.  That thing some pretty women do since they have never experienced rejection.  Go up to people anywhere with an easy eye contact and start talking.  I'm a little better at it now but in those days I had to put so much attention on non threatening gaze that I would forget what I was going to say.  With clients I present a whole person non threatening person vibe.  No energy output; me just being me. Different from strangers in the street.  I digress.

At one point we heard some guys above us on the cliff face.  Young men come to gawk. At that time you could tell the Mexicans from Mexico because of the colorful polyester shirts they wore.  Different from the styles of the day everyone else wore.  Kind of lame thing for them to gawk but understandable.  Otherwise macho dudes giggling and pointing was kind of endearing.  I still had to do the protective male thing of standing shoulders back glaring at them for a minute.  They weren't looking at me so it didn't have much effect. After a while they moved on.

Emboldened by our time at the beach we didn't bother dressing before ascending back up to her car.  She was so tickled by getting away with 'doing something wicked' that we drove back sans-clothing.  This means that we didn't stop at the monument a mile or so from where James Dean bit the dust. About the time we got to Blackwell's Corner the 'has never seen the sun before' skin on her breasts was a bright red. We pulled off the road away from the store. There is nothing else around for miles. She just covered up saying something about her German skin recovering quickly from sunburn.  I had to step out of the car to re-pant myself.

By the time we got back to my house hours and hours of being turned on was wearing on my nerves. Geez, I liked her so much.  This was the first time all day that we weren't in a public place.  One more thing to try.  I was a big fan of Leo Buscaglia. The love doctor.  It was probably a misuse of his work but I talked about his take on love. I played bit of one of his tapes. Similar to the video.

I could tell she was coming around. I moved in close to massage her feet.  Talking about love as a state of being not just about a person you focus on.  Or similar psychobabble. She was enthusiastic and agreeing and adding to the conversation.

"Oh I have to get back. My mom and everybody and MY BOYFRIEND are having fireworks and  . . . ." She starts to get up; gather her things.

In my head; "MOTHER FUCK! THE GODDAMNED MY BOYFRIEND THING! Since when does she have a boyfriend? A few years from now there will be a thing called the friend zone to describe this. MOTHER FUCK!"

What I did say was "Well hey just ah yeah can't leave mom waiting" disappointment and confusion in my eyes.
Then she says: "You wouldn't have some of that sun burn cream you could put on me?"

End scene. Fade to black.

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Addendum:
Haven't gotten any response back from this post.  Maybe some explanation.

One thing I didn't know about myself at the time or this foray was that I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - predominantly Inattentive Type.  This means my brain functions differently especially in executive function and working memory.  When it comes to certain social situations I have no way to react or be proactive. The mental mechanisms just aren't there.  This video covers some of it.

Passage to the virtual stacks

One day about 30 years ago my sister Stacey and I had an adventure.
It’s been a long time and I don’t remember many details. I think it was late spring or early summer. We were traveling from Bakersfield to Los Angeles in my 1966 Volvo 122 Amazon Estate Wagon. Looked kind of like the VW squareback but a foot longer; engine in front.

“Historians speak of the area around Gorman, California (just south of the crest of the Tejon Pass), as "one of the oldest continuously used roadside rest stops in California." This is because pre-Columbian indigenous Californians would have stopped there when it was the Tataviam village of Kulshra'jek, a trading crossroads for hundreds [possibly thousands] of years.”

We were on Interstate 5, the section just south of the Tejon Pass and Magic Mountain. For as long as I can remember it has been 8 lanes of cars and big trucks moving fast 24/7 (fire and ice notwithstanding). 
The car started to overheat. It threw a belt.

That bigger gear is made
of pressed wood

The thing about the pre-solid state Volvos was that they were made to be worked on and made to withstand wannabe mechanics like myself. 

One example; in the workings of a car engine is what is called the crankshaft. The thing the pistons push on that make things go round and round. At one end it turns the transmission which turns the drive shaft which turns the wheels. At the front end on my Volvo's crankshaft was a big gear maybe 6” across. It turned a smaller gear that was essential to making the engine run (camshaft). It all has to be in perfect sync. One day I heard this loud knocking from under the hood. Turned out that the big gear was made out of pressed wood with a metal center. It had completely stripped out and the car still drove. The valves didn't shatter as far as I know. 

This time it was more simple. Except that while we did make it as far as the Lyons Ave - Newhall exit, at the time the only place to get the replacement belt was miles east of the freeway. A couple of gas stations near the freeway still had repair bays but no belts that would fit. The Volvo wasn’t going to make it any farther. So with some vague directions we walked east toward the parts store, getting lost, and meeting a few local characters. Mostly it was the heat that oppressed us. We walked past where the sidewalk ends to a highway of sorts with a few old storefronts. They had the belt and we made it back to the Volvo. Installing it was quick but the sun took it out of us. Whatever our original mission was I think we let it go and just went back home. 

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For a decade I worked standing a massage table. Two more decades were spent sitting at a computer screen then behind the wheel 8 or 10 hours a day. That must be what busted my ass.
Now as a disabled, I mean retired, person my days are filled with dreams of hiring a housekeeper “When I win the Lottery” and a list of other things. I have projects to fill my time. Besides stand up comedy and writing blog posts I listen to audio books. Paper books don’t do it for me and the selection of audiobooks at the Kern county library is quite limited.

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A few months ago I saw an article about the Los Angeles Library’s vast online library that includes quite a few audiobooks and many other resources. As a resident of California I can get an LA library card and access to all of their online goodness. The catch is that you have to apply for the card in person. At least a 2 hour car trip each way. sigh
Among my array of medical conditions. The one that limits me the most has defied a definition from doctors. If I sit longer than an hour or two during the same day a pain develops right on those bones you sit on. For a while they called it Ischial Bursitis. The latest doctor says arthritis. Same treatment for both: ineffective.  But what the hell it's only pain, right?

Fast forward to February 5th 2018. Stacey and I try to have an outing or adventure of some kind couple of times a year. She lives about 100 miles north, outside Fresno. The last one involving travel was in June of 2015? I got a gig doing my comedy Hypnosis show for a high school’s lock-in graduation party. The school was in the countryside near where she lives so she got enlisted as my assistant. What with me feeling better lately it was time to test the limits of my sitting. She suggested we take a day trip down south to get an LA library card. 

Kinda like this

As it turns out there are LA city and LA county library systems. The northernmost LA County library is right off I5 at Castaic squirrelled away behind a shopping center. Just a few miles south, not too far off the 210, in Sylmar is the northernmost LA city library. We set out before noon to hit both in her brother-in-law’s late model muscle car a Dodge Charger. 

We talked up a storm all day as we tend to do. I had printed out the library card application forms before we left town so when we got to the county library it was simple enough to hand the librarian the forms and our IDs. The city library was in a more urban-like setting the librarian, an old hippy gal, also made the process easy and painless. The one in Sylmar has interesting architecture. 

Business out of the way it was time for lunch. If you know me well at all you know I detest chain restaurants. Few survive having more than 2 locations before the food loses its soul. By the time they are extended beyond their home city the taste of the food is, at best, a weak imitation, at worst, concocted in a lab and manufactured off site, untouched by human hands. The people working in such establishments have never met or worked a shift with the owner. They can try but they can never genuinely care that specifically you showed up for a meal. Not to mention that profits leave the community. 

Cecily Willis’ watercolor tribute

Just so happens that we were in the vicinity of the oldest cafe in the state. The Saugus Cafe opened in 1886. It is supposedly in the same location which appears to have been updated as late at the 1950s. 
This local access video is so charming in a kitchy way. 

I had the Saugus Burger special and Stacey ordered the steak sandwich with au jus on the side. That was some good eat’in. 

Then a little surprise. Stacey and her husband Mike have business in the southland fairly often and have their own favorite non-chain restaurant in Newhall. Vincenzo’s Pizza Newhall started to become a chain but sold off the satellites years ago. This is the real deal pizza. As we got back into the Charger Stacey got out her phone and ordered a 20” to be picked up. Power of suggestion I suppose; as the call connected I could smell fresh handmade pizza. We found the place in a stripmall on Lyons Ave. not far from the I5 on ramp that would take us home. The big restaurant was empty midday on a Monday. The owner Steve was there and is clearly one of those ‘a force of nature’ people. He was just boiling over with genuine enthusiasm for his pizza. Before we said a word he was telling us that he likes the pizza even better a few hours later when the chewiness of the crust is at its best. We told him that it won’t be eaten till Fresno, 3 hours away. He thought that was awesome. The enormous pizza box was able to sit flat on the floor of the trunk. That pizza was for Mike so I will have to wait for another outing to see if the crust is "all that". Stacey assured me that it was. 

Summary: Mission accomplished on the library cards. I logged into the LA city library and have a Kevin Hearne book checked out. I suppose it’s technically illegal but I have software that catches audio just before it gets to the speakers and lets you save it as an mp3. That way I’m not rushed and can listen through whatever device. I don’t plan on sharing the files so the intent of the copyright is maintained, mostly. 

No more undeveloped (past the end of the sidewalk) land in the Newhall, Saugus, Valencia part of the world. 

It ended up being around 5 hours of sitting. I use a special seat cushion that lets most of my weight rest on the muscles around, not on, the troublesome spots. That is how I’ve gotten it up to 3 hours on some days. It all might have worked better if I would have brought the special cushion into the Saugus Cafe. That got painful. The the last hour of the ride home was a pain in the ass. I spent most of the next day on my side while the whole area of my posterior kind of throbbed. I'm posting this 5 days later and the area is still tender, fuck! But I didn’t die. 

Getting through that hurdle I am planning the next challenge. Not quite as far away though. For a couple of years the guys I do comedy with have talked about how much fun they have at a place called Barmageddon. One Yelp review starts with "This place is dope". How can I resist that kind of magniloquent rodomontade? It’s only 65 miles away and hopefully I can stand while I'm there for the Open Mic and other activities. If I have to spend most of the next day laying on my side, so what? 

What to name the new old car . . truck really?

The deed was done.
The California Bureau of Automotive Repair's (BAR) Consumer Assistance Program (CAP)- Vehicle Retirement (AKA Cash for Clunkers) sent me a voucher good for $1500 when I take the dear old Banana Boat to the scrap yard. They didn't make it easy. It was supposed to be easy but it wasn't.
I went to the official website. I am not sure why, but there are unofficial ones for some reason.
I filled out the online application form. It was supposed to take 4 weeks to process.

While I waited Social Security sent me just a taste of my disability back pay so I was able go to the DMV and pay the past due registration. 2 years worth $359, yikes! Then I went for a smog check. It had been using oil, I thought. I had to add oil every 1000 miles or so and none was on the driveway so I just assumed it was burning oil and wouldn't pass smog. But it did pass. The smog check guy said my new tags would be in the mail in a couple of days. Weeks went by and the new tags and registration never came in the mail. I sent an email to the DMV. They emailed me back telling me that because I paid the registration before getting the smog certificate it would take 3 more weeks from the date of the email to process instead of 3 days. Huh, I thought.

Meanwhile the BAR sent me a letter telling me that I was good to go but I needed to send proof of low income to qualify for $1500 rather than the $1000 already rich folks get. The letter also said to hurry before funding runs out. My disability (SSD) each month plus what's called SSI ($30/mo in lue of food stamps) still adds up to an amount way below the poverty line. I sent my docs in.

Two weeks later the BAR sent me a letter telling me that I was good to go but I needed to send proof of insurance for the 2 years before I sent in the application. This was because it was not registered when they checked, because I paid registration before smog (yes I called with my explanation, no help there). You can still be approved if your car is not registered as long as you have paid for insurance and it passes smog. So I am out $359 for registration I didn't have to pay, great. I did use the roads and such so guess I owed it. The letter also said to hurry before funding runs out. It took a little persistence, I made some calls and managed to come up with documentation in the format BAR required. I sent it in, waited.
The tags and my new registration came the next week.
Almost 2 months after I applied, the CAP voucher came in the mail. Yay!

The search for a replacement vehicle was on. In the post before this one I went over some of my goto's like eBay and Craigslist. I have purchased cars with each of those in the past and was sure it would work again. Also in the last post I included links to candidate vehicles. I haven't checked but those links might be dead. Craigslist deletes after so many days. Anyway there were many possibilities in my price range that looked to be really nice cars. The week before the voucher came I found 3 or 4 nice ones. As you might has guessed, as soon as the search turned serious those great deals were sparse. sigh. My search parameters did change. The amount I was able to spend including any fees and taxes was $300 less than anticipated. Also part of the reason I am on SSD is that sitting gets painful after and hour or two a day. Even putting up with a bit of agony my travel range is 60 or 70 miles each way.  That narrowed my search. Pickups and bigger SUV have the best long term reviews. Besides I don't drive that much anymore. No reason to drive all scrunched in a low headroom sedan or coupe?

To make things worse once I started making inquiries I turns out most of the ads are bogus. You send a text or an email asking to see the car, if they reply at all, they reply asking you to email their sister (or someone) who is really selling the car. I quickly learned to spot the fake ones. Weird phrasing in the ad or a private party ad with just one photo that was professionally shot. Real people use a cell phones to shoot the pictures.

Finally got a hold of a real person. An old guy up in Lake Isabella selling a 1990 Mercedes Benz.  Those have some head room. Older than I'd like, the photos it looked okay. He couldn't tell me much about it. He was one of those guys that go to the big car auctions in LA. The thing is too old to go all the way to Isabella in the Lincoln to see it (at least $20 in gas) then if it was good impose on who for a ride up there to get it?
I have bought cars 2 different times sight unseen through eBay.  Both times I took the train pick them up and it worked out fine. Different time in history I guess.

Only a few people in my area sell their own cars it seemed. The newspaper was useless as was eBay this time. The free Camera ads tabloid that you find at convenience stores didn't have anything for me. The BAR said to hurry before funding ran out but in my experience opportunities will present themselves if you take your time, keep your eyes open and don't get desperate. This works with ladies too, opportunities for romance. That kind of opportunity comes up, unfortunately I am better at picking up on the clues and following through in other areas. Like buying cars. But I digress. I convinced myself that if I missed the funding window I could reapply in the next quarter. No heater this winter, suspension, or windows that work in the Lincoln were things I have had to deal with and could continue work around for a few more months if need be. Craigslist became more about grazing than searching. I found a lead that responded within an hour with a phone call. I called the seller back (more about cell phone weirdness in a minute). He turned out to be in my neighborhood less than a mile away. Arranged to meet him the next morning.

Let's call him Rudy, met me and handed me the keys "let's go for a test drive".  He had just rinsed it off so it was clean. The 1999 Infiniti QX4 was 18 years old had not been garaged. It looks shiny in the picture but the clear coat has mostly worn off. The interior is clean, it sounded good and drove well. As soon as we were on the street he says "It's not a salvage title we spun it out on the freeway down south a couple of years ago, insurance replaced some of the body panels. Mechanically it's all good". That was a weird thing to lead with. Like he's worried about it. I asked why he was selling it "I just finished restoring my Mini Cooper". "My roommate works out in the oilfields in Lost Hills and wants something better on gas". Roommate is code for boyfriend or husband. This guy was close to my age. In his 50s I guessed. Younger gay people tend to say 'partner' when they feel the need to be vague. Whatever. As they say, “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. When we got back to Rudy's house I asked to look under the hood. I'm not a great mechanic but have done many repairs and can spot obvious problems. Sometimes. It all looked good except for a thick coating of what appeared to be axle grease on the top of the radiator. 3 or 4 tiny beads of green antifreeze sweating through it. "Oh my mechanic found those little leaks and put that stuff one there, said it would seal it".  He immediately said he would have the radiator replaced.  He was asking $1900 I offered $1800 if he had the repairs done. He agreed to have it done and hold it for me. Parts of the deal seemed fishy the radiator thing, 'not a salvage title' thing and something else he wasn't saying, but $1800 won't buy you much car these days and this seemed more or less doable. And the heater works, And the windows go up and down. 2 summers (18 months) of pulling up or pushing down windows by hand was enough.

This was on the 17th of December, so a week before Christmas.  I called him a couple of times to check the progress. Each time the phone would stop and an automated voice would say something about searching for subscriber. They the ring and the call went through. I assumed it had something to the other guy working in lost hills. Different area code or something. I wasn't ready yet but that he went ahead and had it smogged for me. Something I'd have to do to transfer title anyway.

I called the salvage/recycle place (scrapyard) at the special number provided to find out the hours of operation and other details. They have several locations in the state and so one recorded message to answer all questions. The first thing the recording said was that the program had unlimited funds. They must get many people like me stress over the time crunch. I'm sure it's a lie but saying it saves everyone worry over matters that are out of anyone's control.

On Thursday Rudy called to say it was done and that it cost him more than anticipated and could I go the full $1900. So now things are starting to feel scammy. I had looked up the cost of the radiator and surprisingly they go for $55-$60. They aren't hard to install but that doesn't mean that a mechanic wouldn't charge a couple of hundred to do it. I had looked him up on the internet and he sells insurance at AAA. Just the kind of guy that would have a line on cheap repair work and smog certificates. Quid pro quo or like that. Hmm.

Okay fine I said. $1900. Logistics came next; taking the Lincoln to the scrapyard then the resulting check to the bank then meeting up with him. I have 3 guys I know to ask for a ride. One doesn't have a car right now. One works in an office 8 to 5. The third guy is also disabled but and has the time but whines like a little bitch whenever he drives me places. It happens once a year or less; it's not my fault that he never asks anything of me. So that's me whining about other people whining. There's always Uber or Lyft. I looked it up and $8 from scrapyard to my bank. Cool. Rudy said he would drive the QX4 to work with him and could pick me up at my bank on his lunch hour. That was nice of him. Also that if I had AAA they are also an official DMV outpost. We could do the deal right there and I could get the paperwork out of the way all at once. I was planning on getting AAA again for the towing. Must have if you drive an old car.

Friday was a slow day for me. What with it being the last work day before Christmas places were closing early. Scrapyard closes at 3:30 normally and I missed it. That's my story anyway so I put it off till the Tuesday the 26th.  Rudy didn't like it but I assured him I wasn't flaking out so it was fine.

I have owned a number of cars over the years. I get kind of attached to them but they always depart in the anticipation of a new one. Each is it's own adventure. This was the second Lincoln TownCar. The first one I got was my dad's. I got it when he died (ironically at his 80 birthday party). This one belonged to Dan an older friend of mine that wasn't like a father to me so much as a . . .well like an eccentric uncle. His family an extended family of mine. I had gone to high school with 2 of his kids and we are still thick as thieves when we get together. I've gone on vacations with them, the whole thing. Dan and I had our own relationship as well. I produced a cable access TV show that he hosted for 18 months or so and we had other adventures. I was quite fond of the old coot. If you think this post is long I'll have to write that adventure one one of these times. Anyway when he died a couple of years ago at 84 I got the Lincoln. So I am a little more sentimental about Town Cars than I might otherwise be.

I rarely have any place that I have to be in the mornings, or any other time for that matter. I do try to get up or at least be awake by 8 am everyday. They say routine helps keep you sane. Not sure it's working but one has to try. Being in a hurry and having details to attend to is the thing I am really out of practice with. I'm up, full of coffee and prescription medications before 9:30 so plenty of time to turn in my voucher and get to my bank by noon. I started to call Rudy over the internet with Google Hangouts. It's like what they call a VoIP phone. It's free and I have a regular type handset, the kind you can really hold onto, that plugs into my computer. But the internet was going off and back on all morning. I got through once but got cut off. Weird.

I have heard plenty and even looked at the app but it's finally time to try Uber for myself. Drivers I know prefer Lyft but Uber was $1 cheaper that day so Uber it is. I find the android app and start to load it on my phone. My phone is too old for the app. I change a few setting; it want's to load but not enough memory. Fuck. I thought you could request a ride from a browser but I'm not a morning person and the website only wants to sign up new drivers that day it seemed like. My iPad is old but it had the app before and so I downloaded it again. Great it still had my info and payment settings. I tap in the locations. I'm looking for where you put in when you need it. Before it lets me confirm, it wants a different form of payment. PayPal not good enough anymore? I tap to go to the next screen but nothing happens. Damn the internet is out again and made the iPad freeze. Restart the iPad. Unplug and replug the modem to get it going again. I launch the Uber app again and there's a little map showing me that he is almost there. WTF? Now! is the only time you can hail a ride? Gee Zus.

I emptied the car of all my stuff the day before and had all the paperwork ready. Hoping I have enough gas in the tank off I go on the Banana Boat's last journey. I get to the place, lots of signage but nothing says "Office Here" or any of that. I park and walk into an office trailer that is a lunch room. I am directed to the building next to the truck scales. That makes sense. I go in and it's one of those 'don't rob me' setups like in a bank or ghetto liquor store. The counter lady behind the thick glass tells me to drive onto the scales. Scales? The voucher is a flat $1500 but whatever. After 3 days off there is a line that goes down the street of semi trucks and other trucks loaded with scrap iron. I wait in line in the middle of the road's two way left turn lane.

No sign of the Uber car. The line is so slow that I put it in park and walk around the parking lot looking for, I think the app said, a corolla. I am no fan of physical exercise. I don't have anything against walking. These days however with the damaged spine some days I can walk a mile or more but more often lately after 30 minutes on my feet I am bent over in the shape of a question mark. It took me 2 days to recover from the last art walk. I didn't even have my cane with me. Shit. It's 11:30 and I am still on the street in the line of trucks. I better call Rudy and tell him I have been delayed. My phone started to do that thing where it has to look for the subscriber but this time it says it's roaming and says I have to enter a calling card number or make a collect call. What? I try again, same thing. It's a free phone with not a lot of minutes but I rarely use it so. I remember getting a text telling me that it was good to go for another month. I thought.

Finally it is my turn on the scale. I was was really putting out the a stranger in a strange land/kindly/old hippy vibe that day. That is what I was feeling in one way. In another way, kind of intuitively, I was working my audience. I handed the clerk my paperwork through a little window in the side of the building. She asked me if it was tan or white. I said buttercream, it looks light yellow to me. That's why I call it the banana boat, because it looks like a banana cream pie. She scoffed. Websites that claim to know about such things call it Ivory Metallic or Pearlescent Ivory Parchment. Okay, whatever.
Here is the wikipedia description of the Town Car.

I pulled it forward where a man in a hardhat looked it over with a checklist. He helped me remove the handicapped plates. That was it. In the office they had me sign and fill out a number of papers, then handed me a check.

I asked the clerk to use their phone. The instructions I got in mail said more than once that a ride home was my problem. She said the phone wouldn't fit under the glass so called Rudy for me. She said he said he'd be there in a few. Nice, and on his lunch hour. I waited outside. As he drove up I though it was a different SUV. It looked smaller. He drove us to his office where he signed me up for AAA. $49 is not bad if you need the towing. He took plastic for that sale and a check from me that I had printed for the car. The DMV counter there only took cash so I had to I had to find a branch of my bank. The registration was complete when I turned in the plates that had been on that car . . SUV and attached my handicap plates. Rudy had been helpful through the whole thing. Didn't make sense that he'd pull a scam at his workplace. Still, he kept giving me the feeling of the cat that ate the canary. Especially after our business was complete. Idly scanning the big open office as I waited in line he was staring at me intensely from the other side for way too long. Who knows? People are goofy.

1999 Infiniti QX4 vs 1997 Lincoln Town Car - Cartier

Specifications	QX4	Town Car
Turning Diameter - Curb to Curb	37.4'	44.1'
Wheelbase	106.3"	117"
Overall Length	183.9"	219"
Width including mirrors	72.4"	76.7
Overall Height	70.7"	56.9"
Curb Weight	4275 lbs.	3997 lbs.
Maximum Towing	5000 lbs.	2000 lbs.
Head Room: Front	39.5"	39.1"
Leg Room: Front	41.7"	42.6"
Leg Room: Rear	31.8"	41.1"
Trunk/Cargo	82 cu.ft.	22.3 cu.ft.
Trunk/Cargo hidden from view	none	4.3 corpses

These numbers were gathered from a few different sources. I wasn't going to do the measuring myself. I'm 73, or by some accounts, 72 inches tall and can easily see across the top of the QX. It is a foot taller in round numbers. A yard shorter. Wow. A chunk of that was lost in rear seat leg room. I never sat in the rear seat of the old one so am not likely to in this one. Shorter turning radius is a good thing.

Early assessment: It is a truck and rides like one mostly. Still a softer ride than the TC after the shocks were shot.  Nice to have a working heater and window regulators. Seats are leather, worn but comfortable. I am out of the habit of terrestrial radio and it's too old to have bluetooth. Reused the cassette adaptor and bluetooth receiver I used in the TC. Routine of audiobooks and NPR on accastion reestablished.

Downsides, scary things:

• At first I thought the interior lights didn't work. It has 2 dome lights. Both were switched to the neutral position. I had noticed the little dash light showing that not all the doors are closed. Recloseing or slamming them closed doesn't help. This must have something to do with the wreck Rudy mentioned. This means that the interior lights are always on or always off. At some point in time I will investigate with tools. Till then stick on led lights are cheap. 
• There are more dents on the outside than I noticed at first. Rear spoiler fin is missing. 
• It has not been garaged so the clear coat is gone from the hood and other places. Flat not glossy is okay. Makes it less conspicuous. Less likely to be stolen or broken into. 
• Just one key. I am a clutz at times and like to have a spare. It's the kind with a chip in it. The dealer wants over $200 for a spare. Floyd's will make a duplicate for 'only' $69. Blanks are under $10 on eBay but the cheapest a local locksmith will charge is $75 to cut and program it. YouTube has a couple of different work arounds. 
• The key fob door opener thing doesn't work. I pointed this out to Rudy and he suggested a new battery. I put in a new battery and nothing. Then I accidentally pressed the red panic button on it. That works. Maybe just get a replacement.  
• The ignition switch is not consistent as to what works with it off or on. This and the door thing may be related to a bigger electrical problem in the making.  Hope not though. Those kinds of repairs can be expensive or impossible. Let's hope not. 

Now the big question: What to name it?
Something will occur to me or I'll get a good suggestion that isn't a snark.

Addendum: I think addendum is what you put instead of P.S. when it's not a letter.
The cell phone thing. As a duly authorized poor person I qualify for what was called an Obama phone. Society runs on information and communications. Where would underpaid workers come from if you couldn't call them up? How are debt collectors supposed to find people? It's not like there are still pay phones everywhere. If someone makes enough to live on you have to pay them more. Underpaid workers are the backbone of capitalism.

Anyway, what you get is the cheapest recycled pay as you go type phone available and something like 100 minutes and text messages per month. I found a company called Budget Mobile that offered 100 megs of data too. Yay. I lucked out and the one they sent me also would connect to wifi.
After I got home I tried using the cell phone again. Still roaming, no calling out. Budget Mobile hadn't sent me an email since I got the thing a year and a half ago. I found and old email and clicked on their address. No website. I checked the newsfeeds. No news about them. Hmm. Then I did find an old press release from 6 months ago saying that they getting out of the lifeline phone business. But if not this month I do remember getting the 'you're good to go for another month' text message from them. Then it made the chime telling me that I had gotten a new test message. Slowly I realized that it was on wifi at the house. That was text messages going to my google voice number. Google voice is app and web browser based not cellular if you are on wifi. It is cellular if you have cell service and aren't on wifi. I must have been using it wifi only for, who knows how long. I did call the lifeline program; they found that I was already approved and in the system for this year but could not find my number. Told the Indian phone bank guy that it was on Budget Mobile and he said they had been out of the system for a while.

Here in California the Lifeline program (CLP) is better than other places. The phones themselves are not special but I found Virgin Mobile offers unlimited voice and texts plus 2 gigs of data per month. Obviously I didn't use the lower amount but I guess it will be good to use the gps map thing sometimes. I signed up with them so CLP will send me a new application to restart the approval process again. I will send them poverty docs like I send to BAR and wait for a phone to arrive in the mail. Till then fingers are crossed that the QX lives and doesn't leave me stranded far from the non-existing pay phones of legend.

Addendum Addendum: I may be able to rig the old phone or iPad to function over wifi as a phone in the meantime. So if I do get stranded but am near a McDonald's or Starbucks or place with free wifi I won't be totally SOL.

Pre-Crusher Requiem for the Banana Boat

2 months ago I told the new doctor that those medications made me sick before. "This is a different formula, you'll be fine". I wasn't fine. The newer new doctor doubled the dose. Living became nightmarish. Before I came to my senses and stopped taking them, steam started coming from the dash vents of my car, fogging up the windows. 

The Banana Boat, as I call her, has been a faithful steed. Taking me to appointments and social engagements for the last couple of years. During the months of no income, no maintenance was done on her. 3 of the 4 electric windows don't open. The suspension is shot.  Both side mirrors are held on with tape. Then on Sunday this started happening. 

The first trouble with overheating was 2 summers ago. I got it stopped that time and have carried a half full one of those water cooler jugs in the trunk ever since. Just the other laundry day I considered taking it out so I could fit more dirty laundry in there. Giant car, giant trunk so I left it in.
This time the leak is in the heater core that supplies engine heat for use to heat the cabin and/or defrost the windows. The heater core is a miniature radiator that lives inside the dash. When it isn't leaking steam into the vents it will defrost. 

First line of defense is a stop at the auto parts place on the corner. Stop leak bottle that says right in the label that it will stop heater core leaks. Yay. My 20 year old car is still new enough that it doesn't have a radiator cap. I had to unclamp one of the big hoses on top of the engine to pour the stuff in. It didn't work. More steam. Try again with a different brand. The label said you don't have to clean the system out first but I did anyway (hey I know I should have the first time but I was dizzy and weak from the medication remember). It didn't work. Those were ones I had used successfully in the past and cost $5 & $9 dollars each. The next options on the shelf $32-$46 each and didn't claim much more on their labels. One did say something about special fibers. Like in oatmeal? One last try. I bought 2 different of the cheaper ones and used them both. Didn't work. More steam.

So I do have some income now (SSDI) but it really isn't much more than the nothing I was living on before. I do have 38 months of back pay coming one of these days . The lawyer gets his $6K for the $1K worth of work his office did. SSA has sent me many letters giving details about the balance. Some saying most of the rest has been deducted for vague reasons. It may work out the way it should but I have no way of knowing. Nothing to do but wait. 

This is the 3rd car I have had of this body type. 92 Lincoln TownCar, 2000 Crown Vic Police Interceptor, This 97 Town Car. The 92 had the same problem; it cost $40 for the replacement core and $400 to have it installed. I could probably come up with the $40. 

Even if I do get the full amount of back pay I am due it may be the last time I have a ship come in. I thought the bad medicine had done me in a few days ago. The other physical limitations are limiting other ambitions for gainful enterprise. I have to continue my personal austerity program to make whatever the final amount is last. Either way, fixing the Banana Boat up for more than basic drivability is sending good money after bad. Looking around the internet for ideas I found a U shaped bit of hose with metal tips to install in place of the core. It was $15.99 plus $8.45 shipping on eBay. Love me some eBay sometimes, when time is not an issue. Local auto parts places didn't have any similar options online. Driving 20 miles overheating at each stop to shop in person wasn't practical. I found on a chat board just for Lincoln Town Car owners one guy that used a 3/4 inch brass elbow for PEX water pipes. Another chat person claimed he used the plastic kind and it worked for 3 years. PEX is heat rated, but why risk it? Anyway the Lowe's is only 2 miles away, the brass elbow and 2 screw type clamps were less than $5. 

I am feeling so much better than I was; 2 days without the bad medicine. Still getting pretty dizzy and fatigued; I had to do the fix in 5 minute bursts. To get the old hose off I had to cut it from the old heater core. No turning back. I used one of the new clamps and one of the old ones (see top picture). Refilled the water and started the car. So far so good but at idle it was going to take a while for heat and pressure to build. I took a short drive around the hood. Success. A peak under the hood and no water leaks.

I accepted an assignment to feed two dogs while the owner is away. Both dogs combined may weigh as much as my 9 lbs Chihuahua Lit'll. But tiny guys need love too. Just 3 miles. A straight shot up University Ave. When I got there the heat gauge showed the regular heat. I looked under the hood anyway. The legs of the elbow just aren't long enough. The hose with the original clamp had popped off. I put the new clamp on that side and refilled from the jug in the trunk. I got home and it seems all good. Ta Da! 

Till the weather turns cold anyway. 

I hope I start feeling well enough to do the dishes without taking a lie down in the middle. Today was encouraging. Tomorrow will be better. Best case is that I will get the back pay I earned and will be able to afford the gym a few times a week. Build up that core strength as the gym regulars say. What with the spinal damage I don't see me as a walker. 

I need to have a car or something. My hope is to become an SRK FUVer. Even if they launch as they have planned one of those won't be available till next summer. The wait for social security disability ruined my credit but I have time to figure out some financing. 
In the meantime here is the plan. Cash for Clunkers will pay $1,000 ($1,500 low income, whatever that means) for my old Town Car. But I wasn't able to keep the tags current hoping that paying late will work out right. The other rules are kind of sticky too. Still it's a nice car for a fixer upper. I've sold worse cars for more. It starts and drives. Just doesn't have the smooth ride, heat or windows that move. Pretty easy fixes for a gear head with some tools. 
I have had decent luck buying cars on craigslist and eBay. Fingers crossed that a good deal is available when the time comes. And that I can weasel a ride to pick the thing up. 

I sit high in the saddle so a truck or van or something with a high ceiling. 

I am skeptical about this one. Looks nice in the picture. 

I took the train to Hanford to buy the Police car. 4x4 sounds like too many moving parts. 

This one is just adorable.

Know a guy that has had good luck with his. 

Don't pimps drive these? 

If I could only sit to drive I could make money doing the Uber or Lyft thing. 

Anyway, first things first. Talk to my mechanic. Check the used car reviews on Edmunds and Cars. Then wait for back pay day. 

UPDATE -- - - - - - Oct 27
Oct 22nd I applied to the BAR (no the other BAR) for their vehicle retirement program. 

Oct. 27th I went to the DMV and renewed the registration. 
2 years at once was $359 OUCH! I could have sworn it was just one year. 
I needs a new smog cert. Damnit. 

Dec 2nd The San Joaquin Valley Air Pollution Control District hosts a thing called Tune In and Tune Up where you can get a free smog check and\or assistance in finding repairs if you don't pass. I called BAR and supposedly it won't hurt my application that it was registered and smogged after the application was filed. It takes something like 8 weeks to process them. 
The trick to this is getting there early enough to get the $500 coupon if needed. I am not a 6AM type guy. 

Also I stopped taking the medication that was making me so sick. Took a week to start feeling better. Pretty much over it now and on to the next illness and dysphoria. 

UPDATE  - - - - - Oct 31st
I went to get the banana Boat smogged today. It passed! 
This means that I will not need to go to the 'Tune In Tune Up' event in December. However if BAR or someone else doesn't buy it by February I will have to register it again. 

Temporal Myopia

Since being diagnosed with Adult Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) 10 years ago, in 2007, I have read a boat load of articles on the topic. The views from Neuroscience, neuropsychology, psychiatry, cognitive science, pharmacology and psychology all have valid points to make. There are even quasi scientific hypotheses that have good points to make too. A favorite is the hunter vs farmer theory. Especially nice about that one is that it down plays the 'disorder' part of the usual descriptors. There is no attention deficit to it really. It's too much attention if anything. Focus is the issue. 

The mainstream industry classifications recognizes 3 kinds of ADHD. Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation (ADHD-HI), Predominantly Inattentive Presentation (ADHD-PI), and Combined Presentation  (ADHD-C). I have ADHD-PI, many just use the old term ADD to label this type. Another one has 7 variations. Sometimes it's on a spectrum with genius at one end and asperger's at the other. OCD is also common in some of us. Perhaps somewhere deep in the literature is a description of  the actual processes and how they differ. Problem is; after 9 or 13 minutes I'm done with reading. My mind wanders and I get frustrated having to re read the same passages over and over. 

Internet groups have let me in on what some other people experience. Some are super smart folks that have managed to leverage their cognitive uniqueness into exceeding expectations. Many have long histories of trying fitting in as square pegs in a world of round holes. They and the other people in their lives experience much sadness and frustration. Addiction, craving neurotransmitters is also too common among adults with ADHD. For some reason I was spared that. Too much drink or drugs and I get bored or it makes for an unpleasant confusion. Not that I didn't spend a number of years in one kind of stupor or another. Unlike some who hit bottom, with all that entails, I simply got tired of it and rarely do it now. I don't know how it breaks down compared to the rest of the world but the percent of high IQs appears similar, perhaps a bit higher than the norm. I am in the high IQ part of the demographic is my guess. It is hard to say. By our nature we ADHDers are forced to figure our way around things other people take for granted. Workarounds and creative problem solving are a way of life for us. Often we end up with much more facility with creative problem solving than other people generally. It could be intelligence or just practice. Easy to think outside the box when the box is just another of the hundred concepts passing through. 

My understanding of what all of this means to me has been stalled. Why my life has turned out so differently than other people's have? Why was it I didn't finish school? Why did I never have children? I love children, I did great the time I worked for the YMCA. Now that I think about it; deep down I knew something was up. I just didn't know what. 

I have sometimes, over the years, loved women deeply and passionately. Just never someone I was dating at the time. Why have I never had a deep relationship or cohabitated? I eat and sleep and have emotions. Some people respect me for my intelligence. I made my living for 30 years by my wits. The work was often meaningful or stimulating in other ways. Not a lot of money or that kind of success, but that's never been very important to me. Why was that never a big goal?  Part of it is philosophical by way of reason and a nurturant nature. Some is my spiritual calling. Part of it is luck of the draw outcomes of actions I have taken or didn't. Previous posts indicate some of the role obesity has had. How does this whole ADD thing figure in? Before I was diagnosed I was always about some project or other. The sense of purpose that it lends to life and days. Not the even 10% of projects get completed before I lose focus and move on. A friend helped me start a bathroom renovation in 2001. In 2014 I got started on phase 2. One sections still doesn't have cabinet doors. I'm much better about projects I get paid for. Women aren't projects or problems to be solved. 

My approach has always been that your life partner should be your best friend so I have had women best friends that never become lovers or any of that. Or vice versa. Sometimes I or she didn't feel it, sometimes it is like there is a taboo about making that transition. But there have been what seems like a hundred variations on rejection and misunderstanding. Too many to list here. One thing is that as I get older things I sense become more intense. Music becomes an earworm much easier. Pretty much all stimuli echoes through me like an earworm. Women are such a full mind•body•spirit experience even before romantic touch happens it can be intimidating. To mitigate you turn off some senses, then the experience is not genuine and that has problems to it. 

In 1983 I went to massage school. It was a kind of calling to do the good that can be done with that form of communication. A have a drive to distribute my dna like every male of every species. The pleasure and relief of sex acts is also compelling but more often than not left me longing for a deeper connection. I had hoped to learn from massage the pieces of the puzzle that that were missing from my ability to connect and be intimate with women that I was attracted to. What I did learn was a world of joy and satisfaction from non-sexual intimacy. However in the end the work I loved burned me out because the moral and ethical boundaries that made the work possible only drove me further from the intimacy I craved.  

Add a kind of social blindness to what is described below. I have a few solid platonic besties men and women. That is all I had for many years. The attitude towards me of some people who have known me for decades remains a mystery. For some people “strict father framing” is written into their dna so a person who is different, nonconformist by choice or disposition, is reviled for wanting respect or even sympathy. So maybe it is them. I'm nice. 

I have friends that tell me about sex that they enjoy. Role playing I guess is the general term. Dressing up and pretending to be fictional or playing with fear and control like in the 50 shades book. Only in that book I am told that the women is really in control, they have safe word and all of that but the woman in control is just one variation. I don't know, I have never liked being controlled or controlling others. I know that on the regular 'not role playing' level women and men find excitement in giving each other the business to heighten anticipation. Cheating in marriage is a way get a buzz from control issues more than disloyalty or any of that, sometimes. This is all so foreign to me. I used to think it was because of my lack of the sex frequency that makes other people look for adventures in sex. The other day I stumbled onto another thing that relates back to ADD. In a mini rant on facebook that other day I posted this "It turns out that what I call my 'cognitive uniqueness' is a neurological predisposition that makes me more immune to binary thinking and opinion holding than is average. Momentary passions notwithstanding I find both of those things to be a crooked path to understanding.  . . Always being in observer mode has it's downsides. Like when strong action is required, women need to be cajoled or accentuation of conflict is required for making a story interesting, setting up a joke or going viral on social media. . ." 30 years ago I adopted the habit of foregoing opinions whenever possible because that are an intellectual dead end. More often than not. (this book). Turns out that it was more about giving in to my true nature. Failing to present myself in a compelling way to women was/is about me just assuming that they can see and feel what I feel. As I indicated earlier sensory input, natural drives and intuition can be overwhelming. Mystified when they do not see/feel it too. More than the corny old joke: "Women need a reason to have sex, Men just need a place . .". I still feel that a romance should somehow develop on it's own. It shouldn't need to be an expressed opinion that true affection is called for as much as sexual gratification. I am clearly wrong about that. The next paragraphs go into the in-the-moment processes I need to work around to make it happen. 

I caught a break last June when I stumbled onto this video. Russell Barkley, Ph.D., has written over a dozen books and more than 150 scientific articles related to the nature, assessment, and treatment of ADHD. 

I agree with some of what he is saying. It's a blind spot I never knew I had. I'm still working on understanding the outline of what it is in my instance. 
He is also thinking about it in a linear way when it is not only a spectrum but happens in a 3D space. He speaks in absolutes when everything I have seen or heard indicates that each case of ADHD is unique, especially as we age.

What a revelation this has been for me. Like the physiological blind spot, punctum caecum, where the optic nerve passes through the retina. If you don't know to look for it, it's still always there, you just never knew it was there till someone told you. I know I have read about this aspect someplace but the metaphor he uses makes all the difference. 

Side note: Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - inattentive type (ADHD-IT) is the official name my type of cognitive uniqueness. The naming of this condition come from the mental heath bible called DSM-5. This product was originally developed in the 50s so that psychologists and psychiatrists could have a common standard for billing insurance. The main complaint is that it is used for more than just billing codes, it's based on symptoms, not causes. Everything in it is by default a disorder or malady.    Anyway those descriptors for what is going on with me fall short. They are imprecise and create unnecessary negative biases. Jessica McCabe that does these videos is kind of what you think of when you think of ADHD. She's hyper, but is getting some good info out there. So I choose to use ADD because it's easier to say and type. Also if you had ever met me, hyper is not a way you'd describe me. I actually prefer Cognitive Uniqueness as a way to describe it. This leaves open many possibilities and glosses over the 'disorder' aspect. Unfortunately it leads to having to explain. I ain't gots time for that mr mundane brain person. 

Intuition: What I learned a few months earlier about how intuition works flicked on the light bulb over my head. The movie this trailer is about was a revelation. It explains so much, in non-new age terms, about why my approach to doing massage was so successful for so many years. I trusted my intuition, which wasn't plugged into the big kahuna brain of the universe. Well, not on all levels anyway. I was using all that my brain had collected without passing through what we call in hypnotism 'the critical mind'. The time blindness concept explains why I had been drawn to massage and other occupations that could be done intuitively in-the-moment rather than through another process. Once I had used the various functions of graphics software enough times that I didn't have to think about what to do next I was off to the races with that 10 year career. This also probably explains why having a project to work on has always been so central to me. It is a way to add focus before I knew about the medication. Adderall doesn't add a sense of purpose so projects remain crucial. 

The process of discovery of just what this ADD thing is and how it relates to me has been a long slow process. Every new revelation extrapolates back through my personal history resetting my image of who I am. The latest batch of enlightenment has been great and also quite terrible. What Barkley was talking about has to do with living in the moment but also planning the next moment. Most people do this seamlessly. For some of us the short term memory that makes it possible to plan that next minute just doesn't get there on time. I love making plans and keeping them. 

There is another aspect of ADD called hyperfocus where you fixate on something digging more and more data out. In the Hunter vs Farmer model the reason for that it is helpful when stalking or running down prey. Or in the case of gatherers; scanning the horizon for edible plants and zeroing in. 

I struggled to memorize lines for a plays I was cast in in high school. Just like most kids. These days I am lucky to remember anything verbatim, even if I work at it. This explains why I did so much study and took all those classes then never did do much with hypnosis. If you have to you can read the suggestions off of paper once the subject is in trance but before that you have to be confident and can't stumble trying to remember what comes next. The short term future blindness Dr. Barkley talked about. I did do a hypnosis stage show and hope to again if physical therapy works out. The part where I do the induction on the volunteers just killed me. At least I now know why and can figure out a workaround.  I suppose when I started to have an interest in hypnosis when I was 12 or so it was me trying to figure out my own brain. 
I've been going to comedy open mics for a couple of years and getting mixed and unsatisfactory results. A couple of months ago I let go of the idea of memorized bits and just say what comes to mind. Results have been good overall. My mood is a limiting factor so as soon as I can figure out this 'how to proceed with my life business' in the next post, and my new doctors prescribe the ADD medication again, consistency can return.

The terrible part has to do with what got me to where I am today. It's lame to blame a cognitive brain condition for my troubles. It sounds too much like an excuse. I have always lived by my wits like I said. "If I only knew then what I know now" echos through my mind a lot lately. But I didn't know then. When I was a kid they had Ritalin I guess, but corporal punishment was more the standard approach at the time. Techniques to finesse your brain into a place where executive functions come at the right place hadn't been developed. They are not all that advanced now. But now that I know that workarounds are needed I can let my subconscious and intuition know so they can get to work on it.

There are other things about my existence that can be traced back or along sideways to this topic but that is enough for now. All this focusing has me worn out.  

Links:
Another ADHD blogger 
Why I don't stress too much about not being a reader of books
A visual representation (infographic) of what it's like.