Just one more twist in my plot before hitting the road.

Part 2 of a 5 part travelogue.
I am composing this text on April 6th (when I should be doing my taxes) a full 3 weeks after my last Wasco run. My body clock is still running upside down and backwards but with the fatigue going away I am well on my way to getting my bearings. The whole world is seeming different.
On March 17th, and the month or three before, I was running on instinct only I think. I spoke about my spiritual side briefly in a February post but that topic really needs it’s own blog. Long story short I allowed my long cultivated rapport with gaia or the universe or whatever you call it to guide me. Like any relationship, my relationship with the universe is a living moving thing. It was happy I was finally moving on and presented me with many options and that feeling that everything that had come before was leading me someplace. Most spiritual practices have stories like this, why should my dogma free one not have one too?

When I bought the 2012 Scion xD in 2012, In the back of my mind I knew it was a temporary arrangement. It was just a feeling. In 22 months I had put 83,000 miles on it. I knew from a few years before when I owned a retired police car that most departments sell them at around 72,000. This is the tipping point when high mileage and wear and tear begin to take bigger and bigger bites out of resale (or trade-in) value. If your particular car is prone to breakdown this is when the breakdowns start to cost more. This is one of those things you get to know from being a middle aged guy who has owned and seen many cars over the years. 

My xD still looked fine. Bright red and shiny. (the right side of the roof was a bit less shiny from having newspaper slid over it a few hundred times, but I kept it well waxed)
I got xD because Scion is a subdivision of Toyota and Toyota is known for their quality. My little car while having a little more style and trim than it’s cousin the Yaris was cheaply made and right away had minor problems. 

• Little interior lights and knobs and pieces began to break.
• Little exterior lights too. 
• The warranty lasted up to 35K. At 37K the knob directing air into the cabin to recirculate or come from outside broke. Taking apart the dash to fix it was going to cost hundred$. It didn’t get fixed. 
• At less than 10K the brakes started doing the thing where you press the pedal and the whole car shakes. The service manager told me it wasn't covered but fixed it anyway because he felt bad. I just smiled. It wasn't the time to tell him he was a lying sack of . . . Car dealerships, especially that one, don’t give things away. 
• It happened again at 50K and I paid a shop to install new rotors and pads. 
• 6 or 8 months ago the fuel gauge stopped working. It read something different every time I looked at it. The sensor, the sending unit, the pump were all one $384 piece. I told the dealer that it might be that something was just dirty or shorted out. The dealer said, even if it was, it cost $87 to diagnose and $200 something to drop the gas tank. They don’t really fix things, mostly they just change out parts, so besides hitting it with an air hose what is it they would do? Install the part. My mechanic is a great guy but the choice was $500 or $600 to fix the #$%^ fuel gauge. Instead I reset the trip odometer every time I went to fill up. A full tank (11 gallons) would get me exactly 330 miles. I found that out the hard way, but only once.
• Not a problem for me but, 83K mi. means that I put the windows up and down about 50K times each doing delivery. 

The prospect of paying $333 a month for 3 more years for a run down car that was too small to have a smooth ride, did not appeal to me. That thing where you press the brake pedal and the whole car shakes started again. So I went back to the Toyota place and traded the xD for a new Corolla. I didn't tell them about all the xDs little problems. They didn’t ask. I got more for it than I thought I would. I wanted the 40+ MPG version of the Corolla with the 7yr/100K mile warranty in pearl white and a non-black fabric interior since the black fabric of the xD showed everything and stained easily. I’m not a fan of white or silver cars but I wanted to opt for practical this time. They didn't have one. They did have a green one with a black leather interior I was assured was stain resistant. I told the sales guy I had seen it there a month ago and that since he was having trouble moving it that I should get a a few bucks off. It had all those pesky extras like a sunroof that I didn't want.

Ta Da! a new car for my trip. And I am loving it. Even the sun roof. Good thing too at $433 a month for 7 years.

Free at last and getting ready for a road trip.

Part 1 of a 5 part travelogue.
What I did on my summer vacation. Except it wasn't summer and at roughly 72 hours more of a ‘holiday in the north country’, but you get the idea.

I wrote a little summary of my time in the newspaper business.
The blog where it was posted has been deleted. sigh

I started it but don’t have the heart for it right now. The plan is to type out what I remember of my newspaper days for posterity. I'm calling it "Last of the Ink Slingers". I've forgotten so much already it better get written soon. 

I would like to say that there were emotional connections to sever like you might at the end of a long term gig but there really weren't. Of the people who did what I did with that company at the start in 2004, I was essentially the last one to go. The people who actually worked there (not contractors like me) were always aloof and only communicated when necessary. One manager saw value in interacting with us but the bullshit finally got to her and she left. The clerks and shop owners where I dropped papers were barely acquaintances. I will miss my assistant of 8 years Damien. A truly noble man. A hard working father of 3. A good friend. The work he did for me was always after his full time "real" job. The job itself was like a giant beast or machine or something. I often remarked that the long runs of no days off were like riding on the roof of a runaway train. The midnight train to Wasco.

I knew that I needed to make a clean break. I originally contracted with the newspaper because I was dealing with health issues that, while they limited my functioning, were too vague for the Dr to help much with. A night job with few people to deal with and an income decent enough to afford an HMO was a welcome refuge. 
By 2010, coincidentally when profits started falling off, I was able to identify and deal with many of my health and well being woes. No one task or part of the daily routine was hard. It was surprisingly fatiguing for a job that took me away from the house for only 5 to 7 hours a day. (plus paperwork, collecting etc.) When I got home I never drifted off to sleep. I passed out.

Customer complaints were an ongoing source of stress. Being a person of few voluntary routines I was always taken aback by the pure outrage of some subscribers who didn't get their paper. Logically they are paying a fraction of what they would if they drove to the store and bought one everyday. Figuring in the fuel, cover price plus tax and their time. Even the ones that could walk to the store in 5 minutes were paying less than half price. Using one coupon or discount from an ad would cover that. If the thing only managed to show up at their house half the time they were coming out ahead. I have in the past read a quality newspaper cover to cover. The one I sold was no such newspaper. While one in a hundred articles do detail interesting facts, the remainder are the same articles over and over documenting the passing parade of human events with minor adjustments to dates and names. I do understand in an abstract way the appeal of it as a day starter. As for me, I find the banality toxic and for the same reason don’t watch TV news or sitcoms (I suspect many who I invite to read my blog don’t finish or even start for the same reason. My blog however is free and delivered fresh). That is my quirk and I'm the one who has to live with it. To me the quirkiest subscribers were the ones that got so angry that they brandished threats to cancel like a scimitar. Cancel a subscription that meant so much to them that they got angry about it. How would never getting it make things better? And the type of outrage was the thing. It was personal. Like my carriers withheld their paper as a judgement value of them as human beings.  Always a special kind of circular logic. That was only one part of the complaint/redelivery saga. My point is . . . were was I? . . Oh yeah, I was born a poor bla . . Nooo.

I knew that I needed to make a clean break. The stresses and strains of the daily routine, the job and the rut my life was in had parts of me distorted beyond recognition. A break in routine and a whole new path. First a trip out of Jesus’ dad’s valley. The weirdness of the days prior to march 19 will also be in the Ink Slinger blog. Let’s just start with; I didn't plan my trip away till Monday the 20th. I had vague images of going to the coast or maybe catch some shows in LA. Perhaps I've never gone with a person who knows how to do it up right. I have never seen the appeal of Vegas. Except the shows I guess, that I never could or would afford. Besides, going to those places alone would be just lonely and sad, . . and lame. The solitude and singularity of the past decade (or two), is about to change also, but that will take time. I need a destination that will rejuvenate me without shared laughter.

I went to a place in the 90s called Osmosis Enzyme bath in a small town called Freestone, near Santa Rosa California. It is the most tranquil thing a person can do.

Okay, this is a big enzyme bath in Japan. Here's Osmosis

As a person newly on sabbatical from income generating activities, $239 for the whole treatment and another $400+ for lodging seemed frivolous. As good as it is, the place and the treatments are on the etherical side. I had been having more than my share of cosmic awareness the last months already. Another place I went, back in those days was in Calistoga. Indian Springs offers a similar treatment except in place of cedar chips is a mud bath of geothermally heated sulphur spring water and volcanic ash.

Yeah like that

The place has gone all gentrified since I was there the first time. The whole treatment costs even more than the cedar bath. After some research and consulting with a friend I found 15 or so spas in Calistoga and a nice one where the whole treatment was only $149. Calistoga has some nice accommodations, bed and breakfasts etc. Pricey too on short notice. I lucked into a nice little motel in St Helena 9 miles away for $160 for 2 nights. Bookings have been made and I’m all set. For the next week. So I wait. 5 days. Till I can go. So I wait. 5 days. Till I can go.

F-ing Computer

Originally Posted 4/22/14 7:43 PM Pacific Daylight Time.
The one thing that is not adjustable in the world of the infinitely adjustable digital realm is the way blogs post everything. Newest at the top, oldest at the bottom. If you want to use this platform in a way inconsistent with that you can go fuck yourself. As a result I had to give this a Published on date in the composition window before the posts I want to show when you first get to the website. After All this one is just me bitching. Those are my vacation and the one following this is cool too. Unless you are a computer geek that wants to laugh at my ineptitude skip this post and go on to the next one. 

About 5 years ago I cut the cable. While I am not one of the true believers that don't watch TV at all, I am pretty picky. I used to watch documentaries; nature shows and such. Not so much anymore. They move so slow and since they, by nature, are not highly technical are repetitive. Life cycle, robot’s life cycle, people’s habits and so forth. Once you identify the pattern of each topic, each similar program becomes a slow moving game of ‘spot the unique tidbit or fact’. Alright, so that’s an oversimplification. In general it is the case more often than not.

One type of TV show that I haven't watched in years is sitcoms. Even as a kid I felt insulted by the contrived plots, undeveloped characters and so called humor. Don’t get me started on the convoluted misunderstandings that any real or marginally sentient person would avoid with an obvious question or two. That’s all true but not the real reason for cutting cable. Just like they say in all the police procedurals - follow the money.

I had my online banking all set to send the cable company $78 a month. This was for basic cable and internet. This system had worked fine for years. I never bothered opening the bills. Till one day I did open one just for kicks. I was behind a hundred and forty bucks. WTF? They had raised the rates. It was my fault for not looking at the bills but the $140 added up over just 4-5 months. Their cost should have risen a little but not that much.

Besides they make money on both ends. They charge me and they charge the content providers. If the system was honest it would be one or the other, not both. I was outraged and told them to discontinue the service. I didn't have a choice but to keep their internet service since it was the only one available in my neighborhood. I went home and unplugged my TVs from the cable. Of course they were dicks about it. The cable to my house was connected to the lines at the pole in the neighbor’s yard. The neighbors would not allow them in their yards. Eventually the neighbors moved and they did whatever it was when the house was empty. This was after trying to charge me for months for a service I did not use.

I didn't need them. Even at that time Hulu had most of the network programs I did like and there was always Netflix. Other programs were found at different places on the web. A very few programs that I did want to watch that were not online for free were available on iTunes for a price. $1.99, $2.99, $3.99 This rankled because they hardly make that much from advertisers for each viewer each time it’s shown. Still at 1 or 2 every other month it hasn't been bad in comparison. At some point when it’s decided that advertising is a stupid way to pay for things (sorry Google, love you Google) those prices will be untenable.

The reason I was able to do this was that I had acquired a great deal on a refurbished Gateway DX4200 PC. It had been designed for gamers so already had a fast processor (by 2006 standards) and a very good video card. It even had extra USB ports, surround sound card and special ports and an HDMI port so I could connect directly to flat panel TVs. Less than $300 as I recall. It came with Windows Vista installed. It was a factory refurb so had a warranty but even better, upgrade to Windows 7 was also included when that became available a few months later.

I have been a hard core Mac user since 1988 when I got my first one. I got it because it was made by geeks for the users. Windows on the other hand was made for geeks by geeks then for office use. Casual or home users were allowed if they could keep up. By 2009 this had changed allot but not totally. Mac keeps reducing the size of their sandbox. Forcing even expert users to be limited by simplified options. Windoze added a Mac like interface with Windows 95 and has come a long way in ease of use. They are also the worst in creating what is called bloatware. Every new function or cool thing that it can do is piled on top of everything that came before. This makes the operating system huge and full of extra operations for the processor to do. It just gets slower and more clunky all the time.

This shouldn't really be a problem for me since all I am doing is internet and watching video on my machine. I am not a computer geek per se. I am an expert at Mac software and making the thing work. With a Mac even non geeks can set up a network fairly easily. This was even more true in the 90’s. Daisy chaining a group of Macs was almost plug and play then. I do however follow technology with some fascination. Microsoft and Apple are two of the biggest corporations in the world. I am not a fan of big corporations. I had been hearing of an operating system (the software that makes it a computer and not just a box of parts) called Linux that was made by volunteers and was free for anyone to use. It even had specialized version for home users. At that time the most popular was Ubuntu.

I looked up the Ubuntu website and read the instructions. Kind of a new challenge but if it worked as was told it was the opposite of bloatware, simple, clean, and easy to use if a bit bare bones. The process involved downloading it, then putting it on a CD. Then you got your computer to use the CD instead of the hard drive when it started up. It took a looong time but was Ubuntu instead of windows. To make it work better and faster I clicked a few buttons and it made a partition on my hard drive where it installed itself. Well, it was okay. Thing is all the little stuff like drivers for my fancy video and audio cards was “experimental”. I had to dig into what is called “The terminal” to install things and make adjustments. “The terminal” is that part of the operating system the programmers and other geeks use all the time. Full of “code”. No mouse or clicking just typing in instructions. Like I said this was just for watching video. I got most of it going. When I got to configuring the wifi I lost interest.

Since then every time I start the thing up it asks me “Windows or Ubuntu”? The simple way to clean the Ubuntu partition from my hard drive was to buy special disc. Screw it I thought. I’ll do it later. Over time the hard drive developed some errors but worked ok so I overlooked those too.

Who sucks more?

Now it’s a few years later and I've upgraded to Windows 8 that upgraded itself to Windows 8.1. Between the hard drive and the vista>7>8>8.1 bloat it was getting annoying. The best way to deal with it is to wipe the hard drive, check it for physical defect and re-install Windows 8.1 from scratch. A ‘Clean install” it’s called. I found out that Windows will let you create an install disc DVD or USB drive to do this. Yay. Only because of the damage to my hard drive my copy of Windoze wouldn't let me do it. No problem, in these modern times I can log onto the Microsoft web site and do the same thing online. Except that it calls for a product key (like a very long password) to activate this function. I had done the upgrade in Feb of 2013 and vaguely remember having a key to do that. One of the few things I am really anal about it passwords and product codes, serial numbers etc. I even have a special high security program for saving, organizing and using them. Not this one however.

Not wanting to hassle with all the waiting and dealing with ESL is went on their chat with a tech thing. Where a little window appears and you type back and forth. I had bought the upgrade on their website but they had no record of it. I should have had the email they sent to confirm and that had the key. I couldn't find it. SOL. The PC started acting better so it was easy to let it go till it broke for good. I or a repair tech could fix it then or find a new refurb or maybe a NUC or Google chrome. To buy Win 8.1 Pro that I got as an upgrade with the media pac for $39 is $199 just to buy not as an upgrade now. $119 for the 8 not Pro version. In the meantime it seems that in earlier versions of Windows the key was something you could find in the settings. Not in Windows 8. I used a little hack program I found to find it with “The terminal”.

A month or 2 go by and I’m thinking that Linux must be pretty smooth by now. Turns out that besides Ubuntu there are a number of flavors of to choose from. I find one called Mint. The web site described it as current and very usable. I started being skeptical when just getting the thing onto a DVD required using “The terminal”. A few tries finally one worked and was ready to use to start up. This required going into the bios a kind of mini terminal that is an actual part of the computer hardware. It tells it about different kinds of drives and how to use them. Other stuff too but that was what I was interested in. There were many misfires and weird complications but it finally loaded and was slow as expected. Then wouldn't do the partition thing to load itself onto the hard drive. I tried again loading it onto a USB stick. Then I had to tell the bios to use the UBS stick to start up. This time it partitioned and got all installed. I’m not sure what happened to the partition I put in there years earlier. After all that the driver situation was worse than it had been before. The sound wouldn't work at all. My mind needed the stretch so it wasn't a total loss. Back to windows. I thought.

It seems this time linux installed something called Grub. This tells the hardware what to load before the regular window I was used to asks “Windows or Ubuntu”?. It took a whole day to figure out a way to get it to start up windows. Windows has this thing that is supposed to be a cure for massive troubles or follies like mine. Restore. Restore has it’s own partition with all it needs to reset everything to like it way is was a week ago. Only there were those hard drive problems I was telling you about. sigh. Okay what about another shot at getting an install DVD with the system and hard drive repair on it? This time the online chat thing went smoother. It took me a while to convince the guy to send me a disc but he did it. He looked at my system remotely and told me I had 8.1 not 8. I thought Duh, it upgrades automatically. He told me he would be sending me an 8.1 disc and for some reason couldn't send me the new 8.1 key in an email. Acted like he was breaking rules. Even called me on my land line (terrible connection) to tell me so. No record. Also no record of our chat that included the new key. I had to save the key to a cloud drive anyway so clipped the whole chat session just in case there was some questions later. I didn't owe that tech dick in India anything. I paid for Windows 8 Pro and deserve a copy for $15 additional plus shipping.

It got here in just 3 days. Yay! I stuck it in and clicked to re-install windows. It asked for the key. I just happened to have a fresh new one. It told me me key was ONLY for upgrading or adding software. Not for installing. A clean install is what I told the guy. I also told him the system was damaged and needed to install from scratch. I tried the old key. Nothing. I tried both keys on the online re-install thingy. Nothing. AAAaaaa!

Online chat session #3. I got it to boot into windows one more time. Beforehand I typed out a one paragraph version of what was happening. I pasted it in as soon as we were connected. This got things going a little faster but it still took time to go through all the steps. They must have a script to follow. He was actually quite helpful. It took a long time and he even did that thing where he took over the machine remotely. During all of this it occurred to me to search my email a different way. The original sales confirmation with the key was in there. Huh. Lot'a help now. I had already given him both of the keys I had been using. He double and triple check that I wanted a clean install. Yes delete everything. What little I store on this machine was backed up yesterday. The keys didn’t work for him either. I reminded him that that was why I had contacted him at chat support. Then it occurred to me to compare the key that I had extracted with the hack to the one in the email. They were different. Voila it worked! He said the reinstall would take some time and several restarts. Great I went off to do other things.

When I came back I found the same old grub start terminal thing. Boot not found. Fuck me! I tried a bunch of different things to at least get back to the bios. Then tried booting from the USB stick. It loaded but that didn’t want to work. I finally got to a place where it offered to Restore, Reset or Repair. Repair seemed to work and ran for an hour or so then decided it was more than it could do and suggested I get a repair or install DVD. God Dammit! I went to sleep. Next day. One more thing to try. I went to my mac in the other room. The chat tech sent a confirmation/thanks/anything we can do email, unlike the 2 before him. It had a link so I clicked. It went to a place where you pay for online support. I couldn't even find the page I had used before. Maybe this was because I was on a Mac or because Microsoft is an asshole. That works out they are assholes in both cases. I am not sure how I did it. I think I was doing a web search trying to find a solution went there was a link to the microsoft site that was unfamiliar. It let me use the order number from when I did the upgrade to order the Windows 8 Pro DVD I didn't opt for originally. This time it took a whole day just to get confirmation. I foolishly opted for the $9.90 fast UPS shipping rather than the slow $3.95 USPS that is usually faster these days. I will get the disc Thursday.

The question now is: Will the key that allowed the online install, allow the DVD to repair the drive and finish the install?

Hell if I know.

The time waiting for the magic disc to arrive seemed like forever. It did however work. Just to make sure I don't develop any warm feelings for Microsoft or any of their products The install process took 6 hours +. Of course just getting the disc to load was a minor ordeal. Of course telling it to do a clean install wasn't simple a matter of checking a box and then a click to start the process. I had to venture into a window to pick the partitions to delete then format them. I crossed my fingers that it didn't need something on one of the partitions. Like the original Windows Vista that allows the upgrades.

As expected it took an hour or so to do the initial install. Then I checked for updates and it waned 88. I clicked update and a dialog opened. Then nothing. It read 0% updates downloaded. I went do to something else and came back to 0% updates downloaded. I finally remembered that it sometimes does it's update thing when it shuts down and restarts. It never hurts to do a restart and let it reset it's self. At restart it downloaded 100% of the updates and installed them. Then again half a dozen times. Not automatically. Oh no each time I have to coax it to do the updates.  While I was waiting for the disc to arrive Microsoft announced something about a cut off for updates. If you hadn't done the update all the way to Windows 8.1 by Friday April 25th you were out of luck. I didn't get the disc till 6:45 on the 24th. Time was running out. I had also heard that the deadline was an exaggeration and shouldn't include people like me. It is Microsoft so who knows.

By the time it had downloaded a few hundred updates and I lost track of how many times it restarted I had to sleep. At 2 AM I had kind of lost hope that I would get 8.1. I went ahead and started down loading a few of the applications I would need like Foxfire and Chrome. I tend to want to think of Mozilla and this kindly open source outfit. When I was installing Foxfire I was hit with an array of 'click to continue' buttons. Kinda my fault for installing software while sleepy. More fuck you Mozilla. My clean new computer got it's first trash-ware programs. Not just trash but aggressive trash that wanted permission to take over a bunch of functions that do fine without help. This is where I was reminded of what got me onto this project in the first place. Windows 8 has 2 sometimes 3 systems for getting things done. You can uninstall unwanted programs with a right and left click if they appear in the Win 8 Metro thingy that is in front of the desktop. Or you can follow that Metro thingy to a different full screen with uninstall options. Or you can do it with the control panel like in the earlier versions. That thing where each application is like an app on a tablet or phone is mind numbingly stupid. On those devices the apps have to take up the whole screen, the screen isn't big enough and processing power is too limited for floating windows like on a real computer. Duh. Just like on a tablet some of the apps are cool and/or useful if difficult to use with other applications. I was very sleepy at this time but was on a roll and opened the 'store' app to find and re-install the New York Times app. There it was. Free! Upgrade to Windows Pro 8.1 with Media center. I clicked and started to watch it download the 2.45 GB of data but fell asleep.

 Windows Pro 8.1 with Media center is different from when I had it installed before. For one thing when it starts up it lands on the desktop every time. Before it would be the Metro thingy most times, but sometimes what they call the lock screen or the desktop. Now, so far, it is consistent about this and many other things. It is good to know that it really did need the clean install. It took another couple of hours of trial and error to figure out the new way it does password protection. This machine is just for watching TV and casual browsing. I do cloud writing like this on it. Nothing important is stored on it. No one but me ever turns it on. So going through the whole login-password process every time I start it up is a waste of tedium.

Off and on it took a whole day to finally get it installed to the point I can use it for it's intended purpose. Refinements like the proper drivers for the video and sound cards will get done in time. I need a refund for that first disc.

I've done all this writing so it seems right that I give a summation.

Microsoft Sucks right down to it's source code.

Windows is easy enough to use. Does lots of cool things and is infuriating. A few solid basic programs should be included. The ones that come with the Windows 8 interface are phone apps and all but useless on a desktop computer. It comes with type pad and note pad neither of which even has spell check. They are for software programmers. I have looked and a simple easy pleasant to use word processor that isn't either huge or is an expensive commercial product. This goes back to what I was saying about it being designed for geek by geeks. The whole metro interface is done as if the designers had never met an actual non geeky user. As if it were planned and done completely byway of vague reports from a third party who did the actual deed of meeting and studying end users. So if when you get the machine it has been set up for you with everything you might need and the bullshit pre-removed it is likely a fine way to go. If it breaks down on you and you have to fix it yourself or, like me, you feel it should be user configurable it nothing but sucks.

By contrast in the 26 years I have been using Macintosh I now have a new appreciation for Apple.

Apple sucks too. You don't get to be the richest company by being nice. They do have that halo effect and the Jobs reality distortion field. Now that Jobs is dead his distortion field is dissipating quickly. He also took with him the innovation machine that created the halo effect. The same kind of bean counters that make Microsoft suck so hard are chipping away at what made Apple rich.

Macintosh has always been easy to use. The difference in price becomes insignificant when you consider all that comes with it. Like a word processor that is not the greatest but is easy to use and works well. If you have a Mac that doesn't have the latest built in software or operating system upgrades are cheap and easy to get. The process that took me over 2 weeks to do I have done a number of times on my Mac in a couple of hours. The iMac I have now was acting strange so I went to Apple.com and requested a support call at a specific time. I got the call at that time, no waiting. The tech was able to look at my machine, like the Microsoft tech did that machine, but in a smoother way. She started a re-install within 10 minutes while I was on the phone. I came back in a hour and all was fine. This wasn't clean install but the way automatic back-ups are done that would have only added an hour or 2 and can easily be automated. Hardcore Windows users I know don't like that Apple is a walled garden. I have to admit that the wall is getting higher and is making getting work done harder than it has to be. Job's death has let the stupid ideas drift in. Like the idea of removing functions from the built-in applications so that they are as gutless and lame as the phone and web versions. Even before it all went to web installs the process of doing the upgrades from what was installed by way of disc to the current version were periodically bundled into one. I'm sure many of those updates and restarts I had to watch over yesterday were updating and installing the same things each time. Macintosh can be obtuse and frustrating. It has unnecessary limitations. But, like they say: It just works. So it doesn't suck.

Enough of this typing for fun. I need to edit a video down to promote my show with the software included on my iMac. I am in real need of paid gigs. It needs to not suck. If it does suck it will be because of me not the computer.

The other side of therapy

I want to tell the story of a particular client I had during my years as a massage therapist (1983-93+). Before that I need to give you some background. I have tried to document my life in massage in the past. What it meant to me and how I think it works and should be regarded. I would get started writing and realize that it wasn't as simple as just an occupation helping people. The professional model where you remain a neutral objective advocate, as a doctor does, in most ways was how I did my work. However the work I was called to do (as in “a calling”) involved reaching out with my own feelings, all my senses and intuition. Pragmatically this sensitivity collected information and drove my actions to resolve healthfully many of the "thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to". Proceeding with as altruistic intent as I could resulted in, among other benefits, a oneness type of connection with many many people. This was a big part of the joy in doing the work. Those who choose to be aware of such things appreciated it. The majority of people live their lives with just what is merely apparent and enjoyed the other benefits of my dedication. 

Unlike many of my colleagues I was never drawn to using massage to treat specific conditions. This is only legal under the direction of a licensed doctor or similar healthcare professional. Nonetheless countless times people came to me with hurts that existed in the gray area. Migraine sufferers, for example, would seek me out for relief. I had a collection of tools (techniques) that came from many disciplines I had studied. Success was consistent enough that I had many 'regulars'. Often the migraine sufferers got more relief than other things they tried but nothing that lasted long.

On the other end of the spectrum is what I came to call "The spa treatment". This is often a very superficial treatment that is more of a ritual of self indulgence. I worked places where they wished I would do this kind of thing. I understand the reasons a person might seek this out as an ego bath or as an unattached kind of nurturing.  I am, in the end, a utilitarian when it comes to such things had trouble employing the golden rule. Girlfriends and the like were a different story. I could never get enough of nurturing them, for obvious reasons. (guess that could have gone unsaid).

The work I felt the best about philosophically and functionally was someplace in the middle. Much like "The Middle Way" itself. Fragrances and textures to please and awaken the senses of all your various parts. A working of not just your skin and muscles but of the glue that binds your body to your mind and spirit. Rather than massage in my mind it was always “The Work”. With others I used all but I liked the word “workout” over “treatment” or “session” because it's best use was as a regular part of a good life. Much like you would want to workout at the gym or do yoga regularly.  As you'll read below I called the work “visits” in some cases. Overall the idea was that once your nerves, muscles and fibers are given a break to settle back into their neural position your mind and spirit can follow, if they like, and healing can go on if it needs to. The key with this approach, as with other workouts, is ongoing repetition. The intervals have to be far enough apart that the thousand shocks and accompanying stress can leave a detectable trail for me to follow.

Even though many claims of miraculous cures and dramatic results are heard from areas of the many disciplines associated with massage, in my reckoning, such events are rare. Rather when health and healing, pleasure and nurturing, and even mystical ethereal experiences occur as a result of having massage, theses are side effects. The point of the work, is the work.

That all said; a few of the many thousands of hours I spent giving my ministrations standing next to a table are when remarkable things did happen. Here is what I remember of one such client:

My last couple of years of doing massage I spent more and more time working with geriatric people. Besides openness and caring being central to my approach I am just a very sensitive person. Not necessarily the bleeding heart kind of empathy (that too) but all of my senses not just the emotional ones pick up on things beyond the normal range and present them to me without explanation. Working with active adults was creating allot of noise in my psyche. Older people in general have let go of the multi layers of concern that populate modern lives. They become kind of like, I mean no disrespect, like the way dogs are. Without guile. Straightforward in thought and deed. They are also, again generally, more appreciative of simply being paid attention to and nurtured. A less cluttered consciousness lets them appreciate the subtler techniques too.

This is why, when I could, I used my version of a discipline known as Ortho-Bionomy™. I had taken many weekend workshop classes for these techniques and loved it. My instructor called it the "Jazz of Bodywork". (bodywork was also a general term at the time for the various types massage or similar treatments available) I thought of it more in terms of Tai Chi. However some of the other practitioners thought of, Ortho-Bionomy™ as gentle and powerful as the wind. I found it just as hard to market as wind to a public used to paying for the overt sensation of swedish massage. O-B is the essence of gentleness. One of it's main tenets is to move away from pain towards comfort, to allow mind and body permission to let go. This makes it especially perfect for the very old, who can't tolerate very much in the way of deep tissue work. 

I've only seen one residential location in the area specifically for old folks that was like a hotel. The one where my new client lived was a half step or so down from that. More of a practical place where most residents had a room or shared two rooms and a bath. Food was served in one of two big dining halls. Around the main 3 story building, on the grounds, were sprinkled apartments for the more independent people who still might want access to services and interact with the other residents.

Stella's family had money so she lived by herself in a 2 bedroom apartment that also had a living room and it's own galley kitchen. 2 bedrooms because she had 24/7 attendants who needed a place to sleep. As I recall the women who took care of Stella were black ladies that appeared to be 50-ish. I don't remember their names. In fact Stella was not my client's name. I don't remember her's either, this was 20 something years ago, even if I did remember it's not ethical to divulge. Added to that, her family with all the money, was a known name in the community at the time. Not so much now, but why risk offence. 

Stella was basically in good health. The reason she needed constant care was that she had a nervous system disorder where she was essentially locked up inside her body with no way to communicate with the outside world. The doctors had concluded that her mind was intact and working but simply unable to express it's self to her muscles. Nothing, not even her eyes, moved by her direction. 

She had been this way for years. Her family loved her dearly and maybe because of bodywork they had gotten someplace were inspired. Between their trips abroad I was engaged to come see her for an hour a week at the full rate. Lacking any muscle tone to speak of (her condition did involve a certain amount of involuntary muscle contractions) she was definitely a candidate for O-B. 

Unlike other clients there was no feedback except for changes in her muscles when the techniques worked. O-B normally includes a lot of verbal feedback especially in the early sessions. Once you develop a rapport and get to know the person's unique physiology and holding patterns most of the feedback becomes non-verbal. In this new situation I only had texture, skin temp, breathing to some degree, and pulse.  I also had my intuitive type senses and years of experience. At times she would give a long exhale indicating a new level of letting go. Even this had none of the emotional wake surrounding it that normally occurred.  

This was very perplexing. The ladies who attended Stella treated her as if she were fully functional. Spoke to her as you would any other geriatric charge. They were very kind.

[years later, after my supposed retirement from the biz I took on a client that was in a facility at the bottom end of the ladder. This was not my first time working in such places but that had been many years before when at 19 I drove a wheelchair van. Her family had enough money to pay me for half a dozen visits or so with their aunt. She had just been moved there and I was, I suppose, a band-aid for their guilt. The aids here were kind people also but the 10 or 15 of them had hundreds of people to care for. Not just one. At first she wanted to get better but soon realized that she would not leave this place alive and was swallowed by despair. Her niece stopped visiting and she was all but unresponsive at my last visit. The niece let me go. I do not know how they do it, I could not do the grunt work of caregiving in a place like that. They are quite simply the best of the human race.] 

Anyway Stella’s caregivers were convinced that she was awake in there someplace. They insisted that she looked forward to my visits and felt very much better for days after. Frankly I wasn't so sure. I mean the cognitive part of her brain might have been in working order but the ordeal of her situation and the despair.  At best her thoughts must have been in a protective neutral gear like tonic immobility or whatever the technical term is. 

When I talk about intuition I recognize 2 types. The first is where your subconscious conspires with your five senses and memory to analyze input and feedback solutions unfettered by the restrictions of critical conscious thought. Experience and skill at something will often give you a kind of automatic expertise like this*. After I got my “chops” at doing massage I always got better results, or nicer compliments at least, if I “let go & let god**” so to speak. The other kind is more what you might think of as intuition where besides what happens in the first type there are psychic or 6th senses added in. This would be when god actually shows up.
I am always skeptical when someone claims cosmic or psychic abilities or flashes, that kind of thing. Mostly because I have them too, all the time. Most of the time I can trace them back to the first kind of intuition. Other times that is not possible and some kind of metaphysical something is going on. I remain doubtful of other people’s claims. Except on rare occasions they either willfully, or because they don't have the capacity, fail to employ critical analysis. This doesn't mean they are wrong. I also try to keep my skepticism in check. Adding to the doubtful nature of such things is that most of the psychic spasms have no meaning. A glitch in the time-space continuum perhaps. A psychic telepathy version of Jung’s synchronicity happens to me a lot and most of the time I am left waiting for a shoe that never drops. Then other times, especially when in direct contact with the life force. Like when doing massage and you let go of words and symbols. The metaphysical perceptions fit and can be used or gone with.

One of the Ortho-Bionomy™ classes I took went into a technique where, through visualizing the person’s nervous system, you allow healing energy to flow like rain off of a tin roof down their spinal column. Even though I used swedish/deep tissue massage as my main MO. I took a number of healing energy classes. My own skepticism was routinely shot down when, without telling the client, they would work. Shiatsu was really good for this. 

Well, Stella was a puzzle that had no pattern to follow. What if I used the visualization technique to take a look inside. What might I sense? 
I sat at the end of the table where her head was. Hands under her shoulders as she lay on her back I supported the top few vertebrae. Very slowly I made gentle, barely perceptible, circles left to right as I imagined a flow of energy flowing down her spine in a serpentine pattern. Once the flow is started it’s a matter of seeing where it goes. Normally with this process you get to the lumbar vertebrae and come back up. With Stella it went so far and stopped. Stopped hard. Like a black wall that was impenetrable. I had no way to know if this was all imagination or not. Except that it did not feel like imagination and the blackness was a complete void. Not spooky or evil or sad like conventional concepts of death or pain or whatever. Just nothing. A nothing I have never sensed before or since. 

One thing I want to make note of because of the sheer irony and spectre of cosmic payback. Stella’s family was wealthy because she and her husband over 50 years or so built the area’s largest exterminators company. He died and when she fell ill the family sold it for millions to one of the big chains. Many insecticides are neurotoxins. Her condition was frighteningly similar to the way billions, if not trillions, of insects died at their hands.   

Reaching her with the the visualization technique was not going to be helpful. I did sense a kind of awareness of her.  O-B works as a means of awareness on different levels so I continued trying to sense her consciousness. I did finally feel that I touched base with her. I don't remember if I said something out loud or just thought it. It wasn't my place to say but don't know that anyone else thought to or had the courage to. Something along the lines of “It’s OK, Everything is OK. If you are done here you can let go.” The next time I came for a visit everything was gone. The helper ladies, the furniture. What I presume was one of the daughters I had not met in person was there. “Oh, no one called you?” “Mama passed away a few days ago”. I was dismissed like a servant in an edwardian drama. 


*On the television show “Psych” the character Shawn supposedly does something like this with his extreme skills of observation and deduction pretending to be Psychic. 
**Topic for a different post but after 40 years of deliberation the concept of god as separate and anthropomorphic becomes more and more absurd to me. I use the term god as a common ground shorthand. 

Hand made nut scratchers; It's what's for Christmas.

As much as I like to think I'm getting to be the grouchy old curmudgeon, a few of my peers are making strides to unseat me. My grandpa on my mother's side was my roll model of grouchy old man-ness. I have waited literally my whole life to become like him.  As my general health and well-being continue to improve so do my spirits in general. The shit for brains guy that is my liaison at the company I work with not withstanding I have been somewhat, (dare I say it?) cheerful. I got to a point where, should it continue on to performances, the improv lessons I've been taking have sparked a renaissance of my own imagination. The best times of my life were when creativity was a part of my daily functioning.

Every December, for at least the last couple of decades, the people I did theatre with in college and others we gained along the way go out for Basque dinner and Christmas party after. The only churchyness in the group is one couple that mentions going to mass on Christmas. Otherwise it's secular group all the way. We do have a tradition of exchanging gifts. Nothing so organized as secret Santa or any of that. Small stuff maybe home made jam or small things. Myself and some of the craftier guys have made wooden and other things. This practice has been on the decline as the others have begun being grouchy old curmudgeons. Like I said I have been more creative lately and just couldn't find anything I wanted to buy them. As it turns out the idea for the gift they got is not original or even that new but it did take some ingenuity to pull it off in time for the big dinner.

I was looking through a specialty catalog and spotted it there. Online they go for $6 up to $15 for the deluxe one. After tax and shipping a hillbilly nut scratcher can be a $20 item. "Balls" I say. I can do it for less. Walnuts were easy enough to come by. The crucial element is the bamboo backscratcher to use as a base.

The week before Christmas I spent going from one 99¢ type store to the next. I went all over town with no luck. Then it occurred to me to go to the crappy little mom'n'pop $1+ stores. Bingo!

One thing was still missing. The ladies of the group. The wives, girlfriends etc. Bingo again.

If "Nut Scratchers" are for the gentlemen then the ladies would need "Clam Scratchers". It only makes sense. It also makes sense that since nuts come in pairs so should the nuts of the scratchers. It has been a while but I have been known to stick my face in a ladies clam, if memory serves it is a wondrous structure in 2 halves. The clam shells I got did come with both halves. I didn't really have to make ClamzScratchers to go with the NutzScratchers but the smaller shells looked kind of sad by themselves. Some got 2. What was I going to do with left over clam shells?

I got all of the pieces laid out on my work surface.

I used my little moto tool to sand off a patch of varnish from each bamboo scratcher so the glue would stick. then use it to sand a flat spot on one side of each walnut and clam shell. I sanded deep enough so that it made a hole that would fill with glue and become solid. I couldn't even think of a place to get clam shells in my landlocked town. Even with 2 day shipping a dozen shiny colorful clams were like $10.

Then it was just a matter of mixing up some epoxy and letting them be undisturbed long enough for it all to set. I did wait till 2 hours before the big dinner to do the final assembly. By the time we got to the after dinner party they were rock solid and ready to be gifts.

Of course as time progresses the big Basque dinner that used to fill 2 of the long tables now is an even dozen hearty souls at one table. This means that I have a few left over for the 2 other Christmas events this week.